This just happened:
MW called me to discuss various job opportunities she's considering and started complaining about one opportunity that was too far away with poor hours. "It's not worth the aggravation," she said.
Or, tried to say. She kept getting stuck on the word, "aggravation".
The more she tried to say it right, the worse it got. Finally, frustrated beyond reason, she demanded; "How do you say 'aggravation'?"
Oddly, she said it exactly right. Then, immediately went back to trying to place it in the phrase, "...not worth the..." and messed it up every time.
Back and forth like this - asking me how to say it (when she herself is saying it correctly); then fucking it up in that particular phrase.
Eventually she asks, "why can't I say that word? What's wrong with me?"
Oh. Jesus.
"Everybody has trouble saying words sometimes," I answer.
"You don't!" she snaps.
(Note to self: deliberately fuck up some words now and again.)
And then, displaying amazing memory, she went on to recall other words she hadn't been able to pronounce recently.
I tried again to placate her with the "everybody does it" response, but that just mad her more frustrated. So she hung up, angry.
***
***
MW's speech has become noticeably slurred and increasingly difficult to understand. Words are misplaced, misused, and often skipped entirely.
On Sunday, I could do nothing right. MW shouted at me and stormed around the house, slamming doors and throwing things. Then, after an outburst where her curse words were ineffectively stammered, she paused and admitted the reason she was so angry is because she's noticed how difficult it is for her to talk.
Is it Huntington's? she asked.
Of course not. Over and over again. Of course not.
Oddly, at one point, while motioning towards an item she wanted moved, her finger poked me right in the eye. Fortunately I was wearing glasses, but the force was enough to knock them from my face.
This she laughed about.
I always assumed if any self-awareness were to come about, it would be from uncontrollable movements. It seems, however, drunken speech might be the symptom that forces the issue.
***
This, I'm sure, is why she can't pass any of the job interviews she's been to since quitting. Friday, in fact, she had an employment company tell her they wouldn't work with her because she's "unprofessional". The events leading up-to that exchange were obsessed over for all of Friday night and most of Saturday. MW told me the story (something about them having inadvertently set up two interviews with the same company, then cancelling one to save time. MW did not want them to cancel the second, redundant interview. She wanted to go to both), then asked me what she'd done wrong. Naturally I told her she'd done nothing wrong. They were wrong. They're the one's who are unprofessional. She's better off not using them.
Alas, as more of the complete story was related and told in a less dramatic fashion, it became clear that MW totally confused the situation and acted irrationally.
MW seemed to recognize this and kept asking me what she could've done better to avoid the confusion.
Ah, but I'm a pro at this. I'm far too slippery to be caught in that clumsy trap. I gave enough ground to satisfy MW by saying the situation itself was confused. My argument being they should have used the word "reschedule" instead of "cancel" when consolidating the appointments. You never want to hear your employment interview will be "cancelled". They needed to communicate that better.
So, if anything could have been done differently on MW's side, she might have asked for an email confirming the cancellation and consolidation of both interviews.
Neat, right? Nothing wrong here. Just honest mistakes all around. God, I've become so fucking good at this constant lying, I should run for politics.
***
As I've mentioned, I'm drinking again. So is it helping? Hells Yes! First, I can match MW's slurred, sloppy speech which reinforces my argument that "everybody does it".
Second, it's made midnight manageable. Typically, MW will stay up watching TV until 11 or so, then complain about being tired and needing to sleep. Unfortunately, before she can sleep, she needs to confirm that everything is "right" - nothing that can be tripped over, bumped into, set on fire, etc. This takes an hour or so. Also, while doing this, she'll think of a dozen other things that need to be addressed in the morning. Each one of these action items must then be written on paper and taped to the wall; or, inside the car.
Sober, this hour/hour and a half of late-night furniture moving/wall-papering is intolerable. Drunk, it's kind of fun. Last night MW and I shared a laugh when, while shuffling the "to do" notes, we had a moment of play while passing the papers back and forth. Good times when tipsy!
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