Reviewing this journal, MW and I are in the exact same place we were back in early 2014. MW is still, for lack of better word, demented about sleep and diet.
She still complains about uncontrolled movements and "twitching" and I continue to lie about how that is perfectly normal.
I'm still sensitive (perhaps overly so) about her slurred, erratic speech and strange conversations; making it my life's mission to keep her away from family or situations where someone might call out this behavior.
If anything, the line I've been walking between caregiver and paycheck has grown thinner: I can no longer travel for work because I have to be here to take care of MW, but travel is part of my job description.
And, just like 2014, the only sure thing on the horizon is things getting worse. The big mystery is when and what flavor the coming disaster? Another year? Five? Ten? Will I need to quit my job and find something with more stable hours? More importantly, how will MW handle it when I can't hide the truth anymore?
Add to this mix my own failing health (exhaustion, alcoholism, depression) and 2015 looks to be another humdinger of a year!
***
Nothing for it but to carry on. In that spirit, here's more for the chronicle:
Last night was the bad night. MW couldn't sleep and kept waking me up until around three in the morning when she finally dozed off. Nothing special about this, standard operating procedure around Casa Muncie, the only thing is this time she didn't even complain about anything. Normally there's some ache or worry or something, but last night was all about not sleeping for the sake of not sleeping. All night long, she just kept asking me; "Do you think I'll sleep?" over and over again.
MW forced me to call my mother and wish her a happy new year, and I haven't talked to my mother in almost five years. This is extremely troublesome. First of all, MW demands that I keep the phone on speaker so she can hear everything being said. See, she doesn't want anyone talking about her, also, she needs to make sure I don't say anything to contradict her house of lies. This makes for a nerve-wracking phone call. I have no control over what mom will say and I'm never really sure if what I'm saying is good enough for MW. Bad mojo.
Surprisingly, my mother kept a civil tongue and didn't ask any personal questions so nothing was said to upset MW. A success, I suppose, but I'm certainly not looking forward to opening these lines of communication. I just can't trust my mother not to lob more grenades my way.
No comments:
Post a Comment