2015.12.30

Christ, New Year all ready. So, what did I learn in 2015?

Well, I learned that I was wrong about the disease's progression. I had assumed that, by now, MW would be at a stage where she would have to be on medication and/or I would have to quit my job to be a full time care giver. Wrong. MW's still in full denial, I'm still working, and life - such as it is - continues to go on and on.

Great. Now what? Another year like this? Two? Five? Jesus....

What else? I learned I can't stop drinking; although one of my resolutions will be to knock it back to only wine. The hard stuff is taking a toll. The hell. They say one glass of wine a day is good for you. Then one BOTTLE a day must be at least four times as good, right?

But the biggest lesson - the milestone lesson; the life changing lesson; the one once learned can't be forgotten - I learned that I'm the type of a man who won't go to his own father's funeral because I'm too big a coward to fight against this monster.

I could have gone. I should have gone. But it was easier not to have to deal with taking MW and HD on the road and, hey, I'm all about the easier.

So many such things I skip because I figure an equivalent will come around again: holidays, graduations, other family events. Eh, I'll try to make it to the next one. Sure, once MW goes on meds or maybe when I can leave her with a caretaker or put her in a home for a day or two.... Then I'll show up for the college graduation.

Ah, but I'll only ever have one dad. Nope, not going to be another funeral for my father.

And I didn't even try to go.

Goodbye, 2015. You were shit, but even at that, you'll certainly be better than 2016.