Is it possible I am dealing (or trying to deal) with "survivor's guilt"? Because unless something untoward (or incredibly lucky) happens, I know MW, my partner, will die within the next ten, maaaaybe twenty years. Where will that leave me? A survivor. With guilt.
Survivor's Guilt. The term connotes war. So does it apply here or is it an overstatement? Interesting question.
Anyway, that latest weapon in the enemy's arsenal is uniquely wicked: last night MW accused me of trying to kill her. Poison her, to be exact, by putting Clorox in her drinking water.
She came to this conclusion after sniffing her bottle and deciding it smelled like Clorox. Of course, I'm the one who washes the dishes; also, I'm the one who always fills her bottles, ergo, I'm the one who poured bleach in there.
It was odd in that she really was worried about it, asking me numerous times why the bottle smelled like Clorox. Since I was driving, I couldn't stop to smell it, but I just shrugged and said "dunno". After awhile, she asked if I was trying to poison her. I laughed, thinking it was a joke.
It wasn't.
When we got home, I sniffed the bottle: not anything close to Clorox - possibly a little soapy because it hadn't been rinsed thoroughly (mea culpa) - then I drank it all to show it wasn't poison, but the damage had been done.
She seriously thought I was trying to poison her by mixing a little bleach in with her water.
It didn't turn into one of those disastrous, protracted situations, but it was worrisome. At one point she tried to back out of it, telling me that she had only been joking, but then she went on about how she thinks those kinds of thoughts because she watches a lot of TV and husbands are always killing their wives on TV.
I told her not to worry about it; I hadn't taken her seriously. Also, I understood where she was coming from - TV is pretty terrible - and, most importantly, I hadn't been - nor would I ever - try to kill her.
It blew over fairly quickly, but that was some next level shit. It isn't easy taking care of MW under the best conditions. If she starts thinking of me as "the enemy"...?
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