2014.03.20

You look for one day – just one – where no symptoms of the disease are manifest. Of course you can’t help but notice the speech, the spastic movements, and the bizarre conversations, but you look for that one day where the disease doesn’t make things “bad”.

Yesterday was close. The only “bad” thing that happened was MW got a speeding ticket coming home from work (day three and counting!). You certainly can’t blame a speeding ticket on HD, so I was willing to call the day a success, but the fallout from the ticket – the confusion and paranoia expressed by MW – dulled the shine.

Plus, it raises the issue of how much longer will it be safe for MW to drive?

On a related topic, my foot – the one I fucked up when I got drunk and fell down? – it still aches pretty bad. The swelling and discoloration have gone, but it gets stiff as a brick when I sit for a while. Perhaps I did break a bone in there somewhere. Oh well. The bottle givith, the bottle taketh away.

2014.03.21

Another sleepless night. This time it was acne, of all things. MW started obsessing about a pimple on her forehead. Two in the morning, waking me up, asking me how she can fall asleep when all she can think about is the pimple?

Shit, I don’t know. Pop the fucker?

Funny now, not so much when it is happening. It isn’t like a gentle whisper wake-up from MW, rather she cries loudly and then wants to change the sleeping arrangements. Last night I was able to talk her out of sleeping in the closet, but it wasn’t easy. She compromised by moving bedzilla around so our heads were where our feet used to be and vice versa. I’m not sure why, but this seemed to work and MW eventually did doze off – that would have been around 4 in the morning. She slept; I stayed awake waiting for 6 a.m. so I can go to work and get some peace.

Speaking of work, if MW makes it through today, it will mark one week of full time employment for her. If she makes it through two more full time weeks of training, then she can start her part-time hours. And I’ll have my weekends back. I shouldn’t hold out hope but… I have so little left to look forward too.

2014.03.24

It was a weekend of mostly little terrors. When we got home Friday night, the dog had taken a shit in its kennel and that soaked up most of MW’s dementia – everything within a five mile radius of the shit had to be thrown away as ‘unclean’ and what couldn’t be thrown away had to be disinfected with extreme prejudice. This took all night, but wasn’t too bad.

Saturday I had to work (thank God!) so was able to get away for about five or six hours in the morning. Afterwards, came home; cooked, cleaned, ran some errands, and that was the day. A little terror happened in the afternoon when MW went to take her vitamins. One of the pills got away from her, as they often will, and she commented, “I sure do drop a lot of vitamins, don’t I?”

…

I waited for this to spark some sort of realization in MW, but, no, nothing. Crises averted.

That night, however, MW couldn’t sleep so I was in and out of bedzilla all night; fetching water, fixing blankets, moving this, getting that…. Another notch in the ‘sleepless’ column, but since it was the weekend, manageable.

And Sunday was uneventful.

Today starts week two of the three week full time training. So far so good.