Which is why this situation with MW and HD is so goddamned
agonizing. I’ve done the research, I’ve approached it from every angle, I’ve gone
over all possible outcomes in my mind, and I keep coming up fucked. It’s pretty
bad when “murder/suicide” finds a place on the short list of feasible
solutions.
I’ve been reading blogs by and about other people
suffering from HD. Pathetic, I know. Misery loves company and all that. I
blanch at the ones where thy fall back on religion as both an explanation and a
comfort.
How do they do that?
I would like to know because the specter of alcoholism
looms in my immediate future and if there was a way to subvert it I would. With
God?
One of MW’s cousins – one whose own mother is now showing
signs of the disease – grew up in a fabulously religious house. Church,
praise-and-worship, the whole shebang. You know the type; always praying those
bullshit logorrhea prayers where every other word is “father”.
E.G.: “Thank you our father for all you’ve given us father
and bless everybody father all our family father and friends and even our pets
father whom you’ve given us as comfort father in our lives father and our
family overseas lord bless them father even though they aren’t in our zip code
father and for those who couldn’t be here father because they have the flu
father….”
Okay, I was raised Catholic: “Bless us Lord” and get on
with business.
Anyway, this cousin has fallen from the church. A big
surprise given how important the church was throughout his childhood. When
asked why, he replied that he couldn’t believe in a God that would allow for
something like HD.
Right. Except as a Catholic, I can believe in such a God.
A fucking cunt God who judges and condemns. Baptists with their “but he gave
his only son for us” jive. Yeah, okay. But don’t you think it pisses him off he
had to in the first place?
Hey, there you go. At least I’m not an atheist.
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